Love After Divorce Lecture

Dr. Miller-Ott's lecture was an enjoyable experience- I liked that she was interactive with the audience and gave us little "quizzes" to keep us engaged with the talk. Her research was also quite interesting, because I don't think many researchers are thinking about divorce and the dynamics of seeking a new relationship after divorce. It brings a whole new kind of struggle to dating, with this heightened "baggage" that people believe they have after divorcing. Divorce is a strenuous, taxing experience that takes a long time and makes the dissolution of a relationship ten times more difficult- how do you recover from that, and how do you make yourself available once again? How do you open up and share your struggles without looking as if you are seeking pity? Especially with children?

When I heard about the research with the children from divorce who just wanted to be involved in the process of the parent being with someone new, I thought that made a lot of sense. Especially when you are younger, you want to be involved in your parents' lives and being kept out of a new relationship is bad. It leaves the child with the impression that they are being replaced, in the name of "protection". Children are also people, and at some point need to be exposed to reality just like anyone else. Having them somewhat involved, at least knowing what is going on, is a good idea. I don't know any of this first hand, but hearing Dr. Miller-Ott's talk, I felt as if I did. Her interviews provide knowledge that any of us can take something away from, even if some did not have personal experience with divorce.

I felt very connected to the talk, even though I did not have a personal connection. Divorce is a topic that isn't often discussed in a general sense, because most people want to push it under the rug. Admitting that your legal union to someone has failed makes it seem so much more epic than a breakup with no legal ramifications- a breakup that both people really have to want because it is hard work to make it happen. It is something no one wants to go through and makes me think twice about marriage sometimes- what if I change my mind? What if I spend years and years with someone and discover one day that I never really knew them? The sheer randomness of the world makes it hard to make decisions about relationships, especially romantic (and legal) ones. Marriage as a legal construct and marriage as a romantic construct- can they work together when the romance fails? Seems like the divorce rate gives us that answer.

Reactions to Professor Borck's Lecture

I enjoyed the topic that Professor Borck was speaking on- the idea of platonic friendship and how it has an inevitable affect on the world of politics is a different way of thinking about love, as usually we focus on romantic love. At times it was hard for me to follow the lecture, since she hit on so many important and philosophical points, but I felt the lecture was very smart and different from anything else I had heard.

The point that struck me the hardest was that to have a friend, you must have an enemy. Love, which is embodied within friendship, must always be accompanied by hate, embodied within the enemy. This feels very true to me, as I think, generally, that we experience a balance of good and bad in life. Life cannot be purely good or purely bad- the balance is what makes the experience of life unpredictable and worthwhile. There must always be the lack, the lack that affects us so deeply and motivates us to succeed, to learn and grow whether we like it or not.

This is especially true in war- when you choose someone to align yourself with, you also choose someone to be against, someone to fight. The extremity of the love and hate divide in war sometimes causes wars to go on indefinitely, because no one is willing to budge and love nor hate have entirely succumbed the other.

I thought Borck did a great job of comparing the two philosopher's perspectives on this issue- she really did her research and it was clear she cared about what she was saying. However, I felt the lecture could have used some visuals- as a visual person, I learn from seeing what the lecturer is speaking about and it is also nice to have as a focal point so I am not staring at the lecturer the entire time.

Overall, the lecture was worthwhile and some deep, interesting perspectives considering love as it applies to friendship in politics and war. It was not a topic I knew much about beforehand, and I am glad I recorded the lecture so I can revisit it in the future.

Before Sunrise

Love through conversation vs. love at first sight:

Celine and Jesse's connection happens primarily through language, which was ironic to me at the beginning when they are discussing the stereotype of American travelers only understanding English. When they first see each other, it is a sort of "love at first sight moment", but the true spark ignites as they begin their initial conversation. Their conversations are not very spectacular or symbolic as they tend to be in romance films- just simple, everyday conversation you would share with a good friend. The topics are fairly normal- parents, family, their youth. I really liked this about the film- it gave it an authenticity that made these characters feel like people I knew. It felt entirely plausible that the story of this film could happen in real life. I like that the sexual connection happened through language- the mind is the biggest sexual organ, after all. 

Self fulfillment and self discovery in the "other:

This film does such a good job of reflecting the self in the other, and not in an overly pained or exaggerated way. The first scene that comes to mind is when Celine and Jesse are making the "phone calls" to their friends describing how they met each other. It is interesting how they can be so honest, so willing to reveal the details of their thoughts that we would normally see as too mundane to share, when they think they are talking to someone else. People should really do this more often, because oftentimes we want to know those details. There is so much information about someone's feelings that is left behind, and I know that I tend to dwell on what that person didn't say, the little details that might make a big difference. This conversation was also one of the most touching and romantic of the conversations in the film- you can feel the sweet and playful intimacy that is created through the scene. 

I really enjoyed this film because it was a realistic romance- just two people with a sexual connection talking to one another and living in the moment. The moment in the record shop when they are looking at each other and then look away reminded me of moments in my life where I liked someone but would only allow myself to stare when I knew they couldn't see. As soon as they would look my way, I would avert my eyes, blushing a bit at what had happened, wondering if I had the courage to stop stealing glances and say something. 

This film inspires me to truly live in the moment, and stop focusing so much on the past and the present. We cannot change the past and cannot control the future from happening- we have control over the present, and it is up to us what we do with it. Whenever I have travelled to a foreign country, it has always been my dream to end up in this exact situation- meet someone, forge a strong connection, and end up exploring a dreamy European city for a day.(the location is definitely important- could you see this film happening outside of Europe and maintaining its romantic, airy feel?) Before Sunrise makes it feel possible, due to its realism and warmth, and for an hour and a half I could escape into the moment with Celine and Jesse.