The New Yorker Article:
The premise of online dating itself has always interested me- wouldn't it just serve to make the dating process even more removed, the "other" even more unknown? The act of assigning the task of dating to a piece of software certainly says something about the state of human connection- people don't seem to be getting it right, so maybe computers can. As the article says, "In a fractured and bewildered landscape of fern bars, ladies' nights, Plato's Retreat, "The Bachelor", sexting, and the concept of the cougar, the Internet promised reconnection, profusion, and processing power." (3).
In some ways, online dating mocks dating in college, just as the article points out: "A college campus is a habitat of abundance and access, with a fluid and fairly ruthless vetting apparatus." People are constantly entering and exiting relationships, coming closer to understanding their needs and wants. However, with its seemingly infinite possibilities, online dating can feel cumbersome, and insecure. There's no way of really knowing who the person you are speaking to is, and although you can never fully know someone else, there's something disconcerting about that extra layer of removal.
I also found the section about the dating profile interesting- it is truly a "vehicle for projecting a curated and stylized version of oneself into the world." There is a certain amount of control you have over your image, which is usually determined by physical appearance. That power can remove us even farther from our perceptions of ourselves- you aren't really into reading, but if you "like" it on Facebook, you might catch someone's eye that you are fond of. There is no way of knowing the exact influence of social media presence on identity and in our relationships, but it is an influence. Facebook can attribute some of its success to this undying thirst to understand the other, and also to understand the self. If we list our every interest, post the best pictures, and think of the best comments, maybe we'll be closer to finding our true identity, to understanding ourselves and who we want to be.
"Serendipity and coincidence are the photosynthesis of romance, hinting at some kind of supernatural preordination, the sense that two people are made for each other." I believe in this, and think this is something online dating is missing- that you cannot determine your "perfect match" with fancy algorithms, and that we don't have a whole lot of control over when we'll get in a relationship, or how it will happen.
Kristeva
"A hymn to total giving to the other, such a love is also, and almost as explicitly, a hymn to the narcissistic power to which I may even sacrifice it, sacrifice myself."
I really enjoyed this article, and its focus on the narcissism of love- something touched upon by the last article but not discussed in detail. The "great sacrifice" of love is inherently narcissistic- it ties into the idea that you can "give" yourself to someone, that you are in fact in control, when you aren't. Also, as we have discussed in class, we tend to become attracted to people who we think possess qualities we want, and focus on these desirable traits.
Another stand out quote: "Perhaps the naivete of that debate conceals a metaphysical profundity- or at least a linguistic one. Beyond the revelation- yet another one- of the abyss separating the sexes, such questioning hints that love would, in any case, be solitary because incommunicable." I liken this to the "mirror stage" moment discussed earlier in the semester- realizing that the image in the mirror is an image, not our actual self. However, in the case of love, we are separated in many ways. We are separated sometimes by sex, always by this "metaphysical profundity", subjectivity, etc. Lovers don't experience their love in the same way, which makes love a unique, subjective experience.
This quote especially struck me: "Love is the time and space in which "I" assumes the right to be extraordinary. Sovereign yet not individual. Divisible, lost, annihilated; but also, and through imaginary fusion with the loved one, equal to the infinite space of super human psychism. Paranoid? I am, in love, at the zenith of subjectivity." I hadn't thought about the experience of love like that before, but I like thinking about it as the "zenith of subjectivity". Love does have a celestial, metaphysical quality that controls us, moves us, hurts us as it soothes us, and challenges us, something that nothing else can measure up to. I once heard that love is the closest humans can get to experiencing magic, and something about that is true to me.
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